I have this memory of being at a house that belonged to some friend or maybe distant relative of my parents. My sister was there, but I don’t really remember what we did together that night. All I remember is that I was supposed to be falling asleep on the couch while the grown-ups watched a movie…. And to not look at the TV.
I couldn’t sleep. How could I sleep with the TV on while at another person’s house. Especially after being told NOT to look at the TV. Yeah right.
So I looked.
I didn’t know what they were watching at the time, but man, oh man, it scared the shit out of me right then. I was maybe six or seven or something. It was some weird Dracula movie. It might have been the one with Frank Langela… I’m not sure.
Anyway… this woman is in a white nightgown and he’s coming towards her and she’s all zombie-looking and he’s all Dracula-looking and there was blood and now I’m scarred for life.
For years after that moment… and I mean YEARS , people, I would sleep with the covers drawn tight around my body… especially my neck… not one little centimeter of skin would show (except my head). Because obviously a vampire couldn’t bite my neck if my blankets were tight around me. It didn’t matter if it was hot or cold. I would NOT let that blanket slip off of me.
I’m sure that when the many, many vampires came by my bed with nefarious thoughts, they saw my blanket and were all like, whoa, what’s this? A blanket? Oh crap. She’s way too protected for my super-human strength and sharp as knives fangs. Drats, my plan is foiled! Next victim please.
(Nevermind that my sister was sleeping next to me in our trundle bed completely void of these vampire thoughts. But she sat through Jaws 2 as a child and didn’t flinch once… because she’s weird that way. Me? I was literally under. the. seat. of the movie theater. Seriously.)
Like I said… this went on for YEARS. I can’t remember when it stopped but I think I was probably a teenager when I finally realized that if a vampire really did want to suck my blood, a blanket wasn’t the best defense… unless it was covered in garlic. And crosses. And, you know, if vampires were real.
This sort of thinking is the same reason why I never eat green Lifesavers. I choked on a green one when I was four… Heimlich Maneuver and everything. Out popped a green Lifesaver and they have never crossed these lips again. Red? Yes. Orange? Yes. White? Sure. Green? No way, Jose.
Back to vampires…
So – would it be considered ironic that since November, I have been reading books about vampires non-stop? I’ve read all the Twilight books (some more than once), the Sookie Stackhouse books, and am now almost finished with the Anita Blake series. This is more than 20 books all about vampires. Since November. It’s a sickness, I tell you.
I don’t feel the need to sleep with the covers tucked all around my body. That’s gotta be a good sign.
There aren’t any books about green Lifesaver candies, are there?