I’m setting aside money for their future therapy bills.

Jen, Julie and I decide to have another scrap challenge & dammit if I didn’t have to complete it. (I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m a teensy bit competitive) 

I finally went to bed (around 2am). At 5:30am I wake up to hear a beeping noise coming from the alarm. The panel is in the bedroom and every 45 seconds or so its beeping just loud enough to wake up this light sleeper. I nudge the man next to me who hasn’t heard even one of the beeps (just like he rarely heard babies crying in the middle of the night), so I decide to get up to investigate.

Now… I have NO IDEA how to work this alarm. I know that I’ll never get back to sleep if it doesn’t stop. And I’m tired. 

It looks to me (alarm expert) that beeping started because I tried to open a window in the guest scrap room earlier (and couldn’t, btw) but the connectors aren’t sticking.

I remember the previous owners giving me some sort of ‘code’ to disable the beeping noise. However, after 3 1/2 hours of sleep I could not tell you what that code was. Not one particular sequence of numbers and/or symbols is coming to my head. Not a one.

At this moment, I think its a brilliant idea to start pushing random buttons in order to make it stop. Because that makes sense…especially if I were a burglar.

Oh, it stopped beeping all right.

What started next (at 5:30am in my oh-so-quiet neighborhood) sounded like a freakin’ air raid from WWII. Many layers of sirens and alarms started going off all over the house. It was louder than the tornado siren from the fire station across the street.

The kids were shocked out of their beds (at 5:30 in the morning) and the girl started crying. My husband just about jumped out of his skin & everyone is now in a panic.

Luckily, he remembered something the owners told us and went down to the garage. Then he had to come back upstairs to get a screwdriver.

This is where my children heard me use this word (in front of them) for the very first time… I yelled “FUCK!” right after my husband asked me, “IS IT A PHILLIPS HEAD?”

We couldn’t even hear our voices it was so loud. We’re yelling at each other,

“WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO?”

“I DON’T KNOW! WHERE’S THE MANUAL??”

“I CAN’T REMEMBER WHERE THE MANUAL IS!!”

“SHIT!” (more charming vocabulary words for my children to bring to school)

We’re holding our hands over our ears because the sound is eardrum piercing loud. I know we were all wondering is this ever going to stop and OH MY GOD what are we going to do?

Then I start to think very constructive thoughts like… if the police decide to show up along with our entire neighborhood, I should probably put on a bra.

And maybe some pants.

(yes, this is how my mind works) 

FINALLY… my husband figured out how to get the noise to stop.

(because clearly, I was useless)

We were all shaken up, adrenaline racing, and not so tired anymore.

I started to prepare for the inevitable knocking on the door by angry neighbors, but it didn’t happen. I apologized to the kids for being such an asshole. (I didn’t say the asshole part to them… they had been through enough with the alarm and my potty mouth) And we went back to bed.

I’m not going to touch the alarm anymore. Ever.

About twenty minutes later I said to my husband, “I think I remember where the manual is.”

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About jensmack

Non-Profit HR Director, Scrapbooker, Reader, TV Lover, and Crafter. Also, Neurotic, Sarcastic, Anxiety-filled Mom of Three.
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6 Responses to I’m setting aside money for their future therapy bills.

  1. jules says:

    oh no! I’m not laughing right now, I really am not. that would not be a good friend thing to do.

  2. islandjen says:

    oh wow princess…i’m so sorry…that must have been traumatizing…and like jules..i would never laugh either…nope..never, ever…

  3. islandjen says:

    oh look…never ever has arrived…

    BWAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!

    p.s. it does remind me of the time i hit the panic button when we were doing a walk through on a house last year…

  4. RMSJr says:

    How’s that competitiveness working for ya?

  5. Kimberly says:

    glad to hear someone has as bad a potty mouth as me.
    i knew i liked you for a good reason.

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