I’m here. We’re here. We’re waiting for my grandfather to get here too. My 83-year old grandfather left from NY yesterday & his ETA is about 45 minutes. We’re hoping he doesn’t get lost between wherever in FL he is and wherever in FL we are right now. (a.k.a. – the middle of nowhere)
While eavesdropping this morning when the nurses were changing shifts, I heard them saying that the cancer has spread to her brain. That might be why she asked me how Denzel Washington was looking these days. I told him that he looked as good as ever. I guess that answer satisfied her curiosity and she drifted back to sleep.
The next time she woke up she told me that she didn’t want to die. I told her that I knew that, but her body was tired and that it was okay.
Both my sisters are here. Jillian arrived last night & stayed up until 4:30am, only going to bed because my Dad woke up. My Mom’s cousin Debbie is here too. Earlier one of my Mom’s former co-workers visited for a couple of hours.
The hospice nurses are extra-sweet people. They really are saint-like to even do work like this. I can’t imagine doing this day in and day out. They introduce themselves with hugs and sympathetic eyes. They sit in the background and make notes on the chart… offering assistance anytime my Mom makes a request (which is rare).
She’s sleeping a lot & not eating or drinking much. They’re concerned that her kidneys are failing her now. She’s getting oxygen and we’re trying to make sure she’s comfortable.
I don’t know how long to stay. I feel like I’m just sitting here waiting for her to die. If I leave, then I won’t be here when she dies & I’ll be saying good-bye to her knowing that I won’t see her alive again. Do I want to be here when she dies? Do I just wait along with everyone else?
I’m not going to make that decision right now. I’m just going to wait along with everyone else. My grandfather is making his way through Ocala right now – he’s 30 minutes away.
Thank you for all the thoughts and kind words. It really means a lot to me. A lot.