Before I had kids I used to think that I’d take them to see every new kids movie that came out in the theaters. I love movies and I hoped my kids would too! Won’t that be F-U-N? That was before the summer of 2005.
That particular summer we did take the kids to see almost all of the movies that came out. I don’t know what I was thinking. Why didn’t anyone warn me?
I sat through movie after movie and as the summer came to an end, I started to tremble when a new commerical came on TV for the latest kid show. Sitting through Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D and then Valiant – about a pigeon who helps the war against the Nazis during World War II, I was done. Finished. Kaput.
I developed a nervous twitch when someone mention the word “matinee.” I can’t sit through them anymore. I just can’t.
So – the fact that my kids are singing songs from Alvin and the Chipmunks around the house and that my son has now added three “chipmunks” to his bedroom menagerie has me less than thrilled.
If I hear that damn song one more time where Alvin sings how badly he wants a hula-hoop, I might just start digging holes in the backyard and taking out my frustration on the innocent “real” animals who are soundly sleeping dreaming of acorns and dragonflies or whatever-the-hell they dream about. (and I’m sure it has nothing to do with singing Christmas songs, hula-hoops, signing a record deal, or getting into mischief with a guy named Dave)
I’m also realllllly getting tired of the song that my kids (especially my son) keeps singing over and over again that goes like, “ooh-eee-ooh-ahh-ahh-ding-dang-wadda-wadda-bing-bang” in the Chipmunk tone of voice. Like, reallly tired. That nasal-high-pitched squeal is starting to grate on my nerves so badly I may snap.
I’ve already banned the hula-hoop song while I am around. I was accused of being a “Chipmunk Hater.” I said that I didn’t hate chipmunks… but I was looking for a little more variety in the kind of holiday songs that came out of his mouth in a regular more human tone of voice, thankyouverymuch.
The boy has added movie tickets to his Christmas list just so he can see that movie. The thought of sitting through that movie makes me yearn for a root canal. Maybe my wisdom teeth need to get pulled the day he wants to go? I’m also thinking that I could probably persuade Santa not to bring movie tickets.
Is it wrong to bribe St. Nicholas?