Tell my brain to shut-up!

My brain is keeping me awake.

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of sleep. I guess that’s the good thing about being so depressed.

Tonight? Not so much. My mind is racing with questions and options and possibilities and stress…

I got the job offer.

It’s less money than I think it should be.

Friday is my last day at work. If I don’t take the job I can either be unemployed (not an option) or travel for a temporary period of time until I find something else here in town.

Do I move my family to a different state, be farther away from my ailing Mom, and go through all that aggravation for no increase in pay?

Am I being ridiculous? It’s a job, after all. Am I just a greedy bitch?

But – it’s more responsibility – twice as many employees – twice the annual budget… more work.

We all think we’re worth more than we get paid, right? But when are you being true to yourself and when are you just being greedy? When do you suck it up because you can’t be unemployed – you have a family to take care of – and you need a job? Or when do you stand your ground and stick up for what you believe is right?

No… seriously. I’m asking. What should I do? I have no fucking clue. I am no where in the right frame of mind for this.

You know that saying “you’re only given what you can handle” – yeah, I think that’s a crock of shit. Because I swear I’m about to lose my mind. How can I possibly negotiate anything when all I can think about is whether or not my Mom is going to live to see her 57th birthday?

So… it’s 12:37am and I’m online and biting my nails (on my left hand). Sorry Julie. (she realllly hates my nail-biting)

Now it’s 12:41am.

You’ll be pleased to know that I’m up to date on all my celebrity gossip blogs. I even read through about 500 comments on the scrap-gossip blog. I’m pretty much caught up on more than I ever wanted to know about Prima flower contests.

Isn’t that freakin’ fantastic?


About jensmack

Non-Profit HR Director, Scrapbooker, Reader, TV Lover, and Crafter. Also, Neurotic, Sarcastic, Anxiety-filled Mom of Three.
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5 Responses to Tell my brain to shut-up!

  1. stacey fike says:

    what will make you happy????

    that is the bottom line….
    and especially with your mom needing you, will you regret not having a job in 2007 years from now or not spending more time “at home” (i know it’s a cheesy answer but it will help if you just think about the simple things….)

  2. Kimberly Reed says:

    so…you take the job. imagine yourself in a new state…uprooting the fam…being away from your mom (and dad). yes. you have a job. but what about the rest of it. how does it make you feel?

    now..imagine you don’t take the job…you temporarily travel until you find something…but you’re close to your mom. in the end, what really matters? spending time with your mom…being able to take care of your family….and staying true to yourself. wish i had the answer.

    now…if you take the job (and it’s not more money)…but it is way more work (and employees) will you resent that decision? or will you just be happy you have a job. can you ask for more money? i don’t think you’re being greedy. you’re being smart.

    please take care of you…..i’m worried about you! wish i had the answer for you…

  3. Rhonda says:

    Pray. Pray. Pray. The answer will come to you. Your heart will tell you what to do.

  4. Bob says:


    There is always the next opportunity waiting for you. (BTDT as you well know)

    The other side of the coin for us HR’ers is our own weakness of taking actions for our own personal gain. We are so busy taking of every other employee, that we don’t take care of ourselves. And we need to take care of ourselves just like we would every other employee.

    Have you done the cost of living comparison from where you are to where you are going? (I think or both have calculators.)

    Sleep on it, one more time, again.

  5. Marti says:

    I love reading this after the fact. So glad you took the job AND got a little more money in the process. Now you can pay for that $20 mascara.

    Enjoy your week off. I’ll see you in a week!

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