I can’t help it.

Have you seen that commerical for the Fox TV Show Hell’s Kitchen? It shows the head Chef/Judge yelling at the contestants. It also shows shots of various contestants crying at different points of the competition, including this big burly looking guy. And the Chef is yelling at him “STOP CRYING! STOP CRYING!” which is really just making him cry even more.

I laugh *everytime* that commercial comes on. Every-damn-time.

Is that wrong? Or is it just good advertising?

Maybe I’ll feel sympathetic for the guy when I actually watch the show. Because you know I’ll be watching. How could I not after seeing those people cry? Even now, typing this out and thinking about that commerical, I’m giggling.

What the hell is wrong with me that I think it’s so funny?

(don’t answer that)

All while wearing high heels.

Today’s Schedule:

7:00am – 8:00am: Breakfast meeting with 3rd shift associates (this is much too early in the morning for me – I am not a morning person. At all. Ever. Do you realize what time I had to get UP in order to be here at 7:00? It’s just not right.)

9:30am – 11:00am: Exec Committee meeting (we started it yesterday and didn’t have time to finish it – that’s how much fun we have)

11:30am – 1:00pm: Associate Awards Luncheon (I’m feeling a little unprepared for this. I do have the awards – I just haven’t looked at them yet. Hopefully everything is spelled correctly on the plaques. BTW – these awards are for February and March. Yes, it’s May. I suck at these things. Anyone who has ever worked with me knows how much I suck at these things. I’m always late. I think this may be a task I’ll start delegating.)

3:00pm – 4:00pm: Staff Meeting (weekly hotel event – not much to say about this… just glad it goes a lot quicker than it used to)

4:00pm – 4:45ish: Meet with boss (we both like to talk a lot. this can be a problem)

5:30pm – 7:00pm: Managers’ Reception in lobby (schmoozing and good food – usually the managers outnumber the guests who attend – not such a bad thing – gives me an opportunity to get to know some of the people I work with… just wish it wasn’t so late)

Seriously. What kind of freakin schedule is this for a person? I can’t even whine that much about it because there’s about six other people with the same exact schedule. All of us lucky suckers Executive Committee members.

And you know what else? Nothing sucks more than having to leave the house while it’s still dark out and everyone else is all snug in their beds. That’s plain wuh-rong.

If you see my kids… tell them I said Hi.

Nature is over-rated.

You have a three-day weekend coming up. You are SO looking forward to some down time, some family time, some friends time… and what happens? You get sick. That’s right. Sick. Saturday. Satur-freakin-day.

Luckily – I went to the brand spankin’ new Archivers on *Friday* – when I was still feeling somewhat well. (well enough, anyway) I mean, that was a close one!

You know what else we did on Friday? We picked up a couple of Webkinz for the kids. No, not for us. They’re for the kids. (remind me of that when I decide it’s a good idea to stay up until midnight playing games on the damn site)

So instead of doing something super-fun this weekend or being outdoors… the family stayed inside (barely getting dressed) and alternated time on the computer obsessed with their fake-animated-computer-generated pets with their fake-animated-computer-generated outdoor spaces.

Not me, of course… I was busy napping, being headache afflicted and fondling some awesome felt trim picked up on my aforementioned trip to Archivers. Besides, those naps helped keep me awake so I could play, um, I mean, make sure the site was worthy of my precious children, after they went to bed.

I’m a good parent after-all.

So when you see my children on the street… you’ll be able to recognize them from their pale skin and aversion to sunlight.

My Space

My new space. It’s not a room or a studio or even a closet. It’s just my space. I love it! I’ve had the desk for a little while now… but the shelves were a Mother’s Day present. It was just what I needed.

It’s the first time I’ve ever been this organized. And also the first time I’ve seen all my stuff out in one place. HOLY CRAP I have a lot of scrap supplies! Thank goodness the new Archiver’s opened in town… ’cause obviously I need MORE.

Because I need more things to do.

The husband found my yarn and crochet hooks in a box in the basement. He brought them up to me the other day. (shut-up, I am *not* 75 years old) Last night I decided to try them out and see if I could remember how to do it.

Turns out, I couldn’t.

It took me FOREVER to get a simple stitch done. It’s probably been about 5 years since I’ve tried to do that.

The worst part? All the instructions are made for RIGHT-HANDED (freaks) PEOPLE. *This girl* is LEFT-HANDED. Marti got me a book that has a “special section” for lefties. A special ’section’ – not even a whole book. It’s extremely helpful, don’t get me wrong… but why can’t there be an entire book?

Six years ago, before she gave me the book, Marti herself was trying to teach me how to crochet. Can you say *clusterfuck?* OMG – it was so frustrating and it made me feel so stupid. Turns out it was all backwards for me. Marti is not a leftie like me. (just imagine how perfect she’d be if she was a leftie!)

Anyway… I got a couple of stitches down and decided I wanted to make a blanket for my soon-to-be baby girl. I made this beautiful lavender blanket. It’s about two feet wide by three feet long. Okay, so it’s a blanket for a very small person. Receiving blanket size. I was so proud of myself. So what if it was the most simple stitch ever the entire way through it? So what if it wasn’t perfectly straight? I made it for my little baby girl. That’s what matters.

A few days after she was born, my mother-in-law came to visit. She brought gifts. (of course) And took pictures. (well, duh) She hands me a gift from a friend of hers & gets the camera ready as I open it. (that’s what she does) It’s heavy. I wonder what it could be.

I unwrap it and open the box and guess what? It’s a full-freakin-queen-sized-handmade-shell-stitched-design-crocheted blanket. When I took it out of the box even the blanket knew how good it was… it made a *whoosh* sound as I opened it up. I remember feeling like it was in slow motion – like those videos of hot girls walking down the beach with their hair blowing in the wind – they know how hot they are. That’s exactly how this blanket felt about itself at that moment.

It put my teeny little purple strip of a blanket to shame. I sighed quietly to myself and commented on what a beautiful job her friend did on the blanket.

Last night while I’m trying to get a stitch together, Mack is watching me and asking me if I’ll teach her how to do that… what does *that* do… etc. She goes and gets the little purple blanket that I made her and she wraps it around herself. (well, part of the way… it *is* small, you know) She says that next to her ‘blankie’ (her lovey that she has slept with every night since birth) this blanket is her *favorite.*

So there giant-shell-stitched-crocheted-blanket. So there.

My uterus yelled at me.

I held Miss Emily Ann a lot. A lot. She is a tiny little peanut of a baby & so sweet and new and tiny. Did I mention she was tiny?  And beautiful. I loved getting to spend so much time with her. I also got to spend some time with Ashley and Ethan. That was a treat. Oh yeah – I also saw my sister and her husband. But it’s really not about them anymore, is it?

I visited with my Mom as well. It was emotional for both of us. She’s tired of being in the hospital, feels trapped, and feels alone. I don’t blame her. She’s sad that she couldn’t be there when Emily was born. She feels like she’s never going to get better. When I told her that I’d be coming down again for her birthday – and bringing the kids – she told me no. We’re both crying with me telling her not to give up, that I still need her. It was hard. Really. Hard. It’s a good thing I don’t drink and drive… ’cause I realllly wanted a beer after that visit. (I bought some at the store & had some when I got to their house)

I cooked dinner for my sister and family that night. I also made some baked ziti for them to have for a few days, if necessary. (my husband was surprised to hear about all this cooking – don’t tell him about the cleaning up part too, okay?)

I drove home Saturday in almost exactly five hours. Not too bad of a drive. (don’t worry, I left the beer at my sister’s house. Now that she has three kids – she needs it more than I do)

Holding the newborn made me think about having another baby.

It took me about 10 seconds to shake it off. I’m better now.

New

There’s a new member in my family. My sister Jamie had her third child – little Emily Ann was born this afternoon. I’ve gotten pics sent to my phone but will get to see the cutie-pie in person tomorrow! I’m leaving for Gainesville in the morning. I can’t wait to get my hands on that little peanut!

And here’s *my* little peanut – with TWO missing TEETH! She’s holding a photo of *her* Mama when she was six years old with two missing teeth:

It’s so cute to get her to say words like Mississippi, something, and our personal favorite, thistle. That’s a good one.

The husband got a picture of the hawk today taking a little spritz in our birdbath. How crazy is this?

Look how big that sucker is! We think he might have a nest in our chimney… further investigations will take place. We’ll keep you posted.

Okay chick-a-dees… I’m off to pack and get ready. I’ve got a long-ass drive ahead of me tomorrow morning…and a baby to cover in kisses!

And then we roasted them over a spitfire.

I’m looking out the bedroom window yesterday and yell out for my son. He runs in the room and I tell him to look out the window (while I point) at the animal that’s down below next to a tree. After five minutes of me saying, “no, over there… see the green leaves? no, over there… where I’m pointing…” he finally sees it. I say, “What in the world is that?” He says, “Mom, it’s a chipmunk.” (and then rolls his eyes and wonders how I ever made it to 29… okay 34 years of age without knowing the simplest of things)

A chipmunk? In my yard? Wha?

I attempt to open the window and the chipmunk scurries (they scurry, right?) into it’s hole. “A burrow,” the boy says with a sigh – wondering how I can even find my way to the car, I’m so dumb.

We go online and do a little research. Apparently chipmunks hibernate from Fall to early Spring. (which explains the puzzled look on the critter. He was wondering where that fence came from.) They eat small bugs and snails and seeds and berries. The boy and I decide to give the little guy a treat. We get bird seed and toss it around the burrow’s entrance. We found other ‘holes’ and put some birdseed there too.

Then we fill the bird feeder (from Marti & her family) out front with more birdseed. And I tell the boy to get some water for the bird bath. We were so excited.

Later I’m walking to the living room window to let some light in. I scream for the kids and husband to come and look at what is sitting in the bird bath. It was a hawk. A big freakin’ hawk. (no, not a falcon – yeesh) It was at least 12-18 inches tall sitting on top of our little birdbath. I run to get the camera (of course) and by the time I get back it flew away. Damn. The sucker was HUGE.

A hawk. Outside my house. In my birdbath. Where the hell did we move to? Montana?

Saturday night after a rockin’ good time with Marti, we pull into the driveway to see a little bunny crossing in front of us. Aw. So cute. A bunny.

Hmmm… I wonder if the hawk is around because of the bunny and the chipmunk population in our area? That’ll be a fabulous life lesson to teach my kids. (not)

Is this what it’s like when tourists come to Florida and get excited over lizards and alligators? ‘Cause I never understood that. Big deal – it’s just an alligator. <<eye roll>>

Happy Mother’s Day & my stomach hurts.

 

Happy Mothers Day to all my friends and family! I hope your day is filled with love and hugs <- the best presents ever!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My stomach hurts.

Why? Because I spent about five hours last night laughing my ass off… that’s why. I have a few friends who make me laugh like crazy and last night I got to spend those five hours with two of them. We had dinner and played cards with Marti and Lew.

It’s so nice to have friends who don’t judge you, who don’t criticize your choices, who accept you for who you are… and who make you laugh like you’ve never laughed before. (imitating SNL skits, making fun of the guy who drank too much wine *cough* and dancing to Vanilla Ice) Brilliant stuff.

I feel lucky to have friends like that… my shovel sisters, my J’s in Orlando, my sisters. They get it too. I cherish them.

Enjoy your Sunday!

And you think I’m crazy.

I don’t have much to say. I thought I’d find an old picture of myself… or a pic of the kids as babies or something. I couldn’t find any of those things. I did find this:

This was in Orlando. Would you ever find something this outrageous in Georgia? (I’m thinking this kinda stuff isn’t gonna fly in Georgia)

The funny thing about this car (besides the obvious) is that I saw this car more than once. More than twice. In the same intersection.

This picture was taken at the intersection of International Drive and Central Florida Parkway. Know what else is on that corner? SEA WORLD. And I saw this car in the parking lot of Sea World a couple of times too.

It’s hard to tell in this photo – but many of those figurines are marine animals. And why wouldn’t you glue them to the outside of your car?

Was the car following me? Or was it a sign?

(a sign to use more marine animals in my decor, right?)