Seven is my lucky number.

In seven days I will be:

• getting on a plane for Orlando. 
• hugging my kids & not letting them go for a long, long time.
• checking OUT of the hotel – finally.
• able to spend some time with my Mom.
• finishing packing & officially moving to Atlanta.

I. Can’t. Wait.

I thought it was going to be much longer… I looked at the calendar this morning and noticed that it was only seven days away! Yay! No more lonely nights in a hotel. No more staying at work late because I have nothing else to do. No more eating hotel food. No more days without any hugs or kisses or compassion.

One thing I realized about being away from my family – aside from missing them so much – was the lack of human touch. I get no hugs or touches or love here. I didn’t know how much that would affect me. Apparently, I’m a very touchy-feely person and need some contact in my life. I feel extremely deprived of it.  There is a woman who works at the Starbuck’s cafe in the lobby. She is so sweet & gives me hugs when I see her. I drink *a lot* of coffee.

On another note: We’re having issues at the hotel with our guest internet system. Why am I talking about this here? Because when I’m at work I’m blocked from all the ‘bad stuff’ on the internet including my own personal email account…. other peoples’ blogs… anything that might be considered remotely *fun* and or *interesting* is off-limits. So I haven’t been able to respond to ya’lls blogs or anything and I feel completely out of touch. For some reason this site is okay… but no one elses. I don’t get it, but I’m not complaining. (they probably haven’t figured it out… yet)

The lack of internet access at night has given me more time to scrap. I finished a mini-album, the cover of an inspiration journal for Marti, a layout, and a card. I guess I’m more productive when I’m not surfing the internet. Wow – who’d have guessed it?

Full Service

When I drive around Atlanta, I’m usually semi-lost or pretending I’m ‘exploring’ my new town so I don’t feel so lost… I try not to look lost. It reminds me of riding the train in Washington DC with my shovel girls… KoKo told us that while we’re on the train (for those of us who weren’t used to big city life) we should look ‘bored and tough’ so that’s what I try to do while driving around Atlanta… look bored like… ‘oh, I drive on these interstates all the time… isn’t it just sooo boring’ instead of looking ‘panicked and scared’… ‘Spaghetti Junction? Are you kidding me? How will I ever figure that out?!’ and ‘why is it that when I took this road to get here I was going west, but now that I’m on my way back the signs are telling me to choose either north or south?’ Aaaacccckkk!

Yesterday I was driving around & found a Fresh Market. I drove through a gas station to get there. I know you’re not supposed to do that…but I wasn’t sure if there was another way to get into the plaza. As I drove through I heard a ‘ding-ding’ & felt really bad that I might have notified someone that I was pulling in when I really wasn’t.

After going to the Fresh Market… I picked up Kettle Corn (ever since my sis-in-law mentioned it I had to get some) and a black & white cookie (so there, Jen) & some other miscellaneous snacks… I decided to get gas. I pulled into the gas station & realized that it was Full Service.

Full Service?! Really? Did I just drive into 1975? I haven’t seen a Full Service gas station in forever! And then I started to worry… do you have to tip them? Will they wash my windshield? Will they make fun of my goofy-ass-dirty car? Will they run out to my car singing some sort of ‘car wash’ song? 

They didn’t. I found the Self-Service side and got gas myself (quickly because I realized how freakin’ expensive it was)… and then jumped out of my skin when a large *boom* came from inside the garage…something fell. There was no yelling for help or blood splatter so all was good. (I’m a little jumpy these days)

And I had kettle corn.

a smidge of good news

We have a place to live. Hallelujah! The search for a home was more difficult than I expected, but it was worth it. We found a house! We’ll rent it for at least a year… and I’m thrilled! No more apartment living! No more having people next to us or beneath us. A house. It’s not a big house. It’s not a brand new house. But it’s a house. It has enough bedrooms and bathrooms… a two-car garage and a basement! A deck on the back and a corner lot! Lots of yard!

The best part? We’re less than two miles away from my sister-in-law! And that was a total coincidence. It’s brilliant. We’re all so excited! The elementary school is excellent & we’re two blocks from the high school. (we’ll be able to hear the marching band during football season! yeeeee!)

Only two more weeks of being away from my family & living in a hotel… I will be counting down the minutes and the seconds. It can’t get here soon enough.

My Mom is doing about the same. She had surgery last week to amputate her leg from the knee down. Sometimes she thinks her leg is still there & sometimes she realizes it’s not and gets really upset. My sister and I are getting conflicting reports on her prognosis. My Dad has so much hope that all of this is curable… he’s talking about the future with her – coming to Atlanta to visit… getting her a prosthetic leg so she can walk…  I’m glad he has such hope, but I just wonder if he’s being too unrealistic. My sister is going to talk to a case manager to see if we can get the real story. We have a feeling that my Dad’s view might be clouded by his hope. We don’t want him to lose hope… I’m thinking that’s how he’s coping with all of this… but we want to know what’s really going on so we can be prepared. And we’ve heard that it’s just a matter of months.

I’ll be down there to see her in a couple of weeks. I’m actually nervous to see her without a part of her leg… I don’t want to freak out or get overly upset, you know?

So… still a lot going on, but at least now I can cross one thing off my list of stresses. We have a place to live & it’s not in a van down by the river. I’m going to drive by it today and take a picture of it. I can’t wait for the kids to see it.

Graceful.

Anyone that knows me knows that I’m the epitome of grace. I move like a ballerina… I’m light on my feet and as delicate as a flower. When I walk, it’s as if I’m walking on the fluffiest of clouds. Grace is my middle name.

Stop laughing.

I’ll start over.

Anyone that knows me wouldn’t be surprised to know that I took a dive today.

Oh yes. I fell. I slipped on an offensive dust molecule, which was obviously not where it was supposed to be, and fell every so clumsily on the floor in the back hallway. About 10 feet from my office…while wearing tiny one-and-a-half inch heels. Luckily, no one was there to witness it & I’m hoping the security cameras didn’t catch it. Otherwise it might be on the Annual Holiday Party Blooper Reel.  

Oh well… just another day in the life of clutzy me.

I miss my kids.

Having to say good-bye to them *again* was awful. Apparently, the girl cried a lot on the way home “like five times, Mommy…and I was loud” she said. I’m sure the other passengers were thrilled. Hearing her say that to me on the phone with lots of other loving words made *me* cry last night. I miss them.

I’d rather not be in a hotel room with them for more than just a night or two… ’cause that’s not really fun (anyone traveling with kids knows what I’m talking about) but I need to be around them for more than just a couple of days. I need their attention.

Other than that I’m fine, I guess. Mom may be having (another) surgery soon. They can’t start any cancer treatment until they figure out what’s going on with her legs. They may have to amputate the right leg from the knee down. Then they have to wait for it to heal (which has been taking a long time with my Mom’s other complications). Once it heals they can begin the radiation and chemotherapy. (that’s what I got from my Dad – I’ll talk to my sister today to find out the details)

Work has been keeping me very busy… I guess that’s a good thing. No shortage of projects here. I did a little scrap project last night (to be posted later on for somebody special) and it felt good. Maybe I’ll do some more of that tonight.

Tomorrow we may know where we’re going to be living… and the husband and I had a little “see the light” discussion about the move & just how soon this really needs to happen. Hopefully we’re on the same page now. For a while we were operating on different time frames. Ahem.

With all this stress and drama… I’m still not whacked enough to shave all the hair off my head. So I must be sort of okay.

We’re Hundred-aires!

Trying to find a good apartment in Atlanta with a good elementary school is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. And it’s very stressful.

Maybe today we’ll have it narrowed down a little more. I’ve also been thinking that it’s a terrific idea to have someone pack up our stuff for us and move it for us too. I’ve never done that – didn’t want to spend the money (probably didn’t have the money – more like it) But the thought of having to pack and lift and move and tape… really sucks rocks. Big ones.

I’m stressed. A bit.

The kids were here this weekend. They saw two things… the hotel room & the inside of their cousins’ house (which is gorgeous). Thank goodness for my sister-in-law – they were a tremendous help. The kids are leaving today & that makes me sad. I miss them already.

They were so excited when they got to the hotel. They kept saying how beautiful it is (it really is a beautiful hotel) and were so impressed with our room. (it’s a small suite) The GM had some treats put up in the room for them (and beer for the husband). They kept walking around the room, touching everything, and saying how nice it was & how “millionaires must stay here” – I told them that we weren’t millionaires & we were staying here… the boy said, “Oh, then we must be hundred-aires!” I replied, “yeah… I guess you’re right!”

Have I mentioned yet how much I’m going to miss them?

1447.79

That’s how many miles I drove this week. That doesn’t count what I drove today when I got lost on my way to the apartment finder place. 

And I’m not a trucker. (if I were, I’d be driving one of those really cool trucks with a bed and a shower in the back… and if I saw a kid signalling me to honk my horn from the back of their station wagon on their long-ass trip from Florida to New York while their grandmother chain-smoked cigarettes in the front seat with the windows rolled UP…I totally would…’cause I’d be a cool trucker like that.)

I have always loved to drive. I think it’s something that runs in the family. Usually my sister is behind the wheel when she’s with her family… and so am I. When I was younger it gave me such a feeling of independence. I could get out of the house and go anywhere I wanted to. (as long as I was home by midnight – curfews and all)

After driving 1447.79 miles this week, I’m all stocked up on the driving thing. Two trips back and forth from Atlanta to Orlando have done me in. That’s got to be like 144 trips to the grocery store or 90 trips to Target. I’m good – thanks.

Thank goodness for satellite radio. Thank goodness for Howard Stern. He made my trip bearable.

This weekend the husband and kids will make the trip up. I’m not driving anywhere. (my engine light came on today – that’s always a good sign) I plan on being an awesome back-seat driver (from the front passenger seat), pointing out parking places, telling him where to go (and where to drive to) and holding the fast-food bags while we try to find a place to live.

I’m an excellent driver. (just ask the cop that pulled me over on the way down to Orlando on Saturday)

Six.

When did this happen? How’d my baby get old enough to have a 6th birthday? We celebrated tonight – a day early – since I’m driving back to Atlanta tomorrow. I asked her if she wanted to wait until tomorrow to open her presents, but she didn’t want to. (surprise, surprise)

She’s a funny little character this one. One minute she’s shy and won’t say a word… won’t even look at the person who’s talking to her. The next minute she’s making up songs & jokes trying to make you laugh. She fights with her brother and has a whine that goes right through me… she is persistent, she is smart, she loves books & has excelled in her reading… she loves her baby dolls & likes to play teacher. She is affectionate and gives lots of love. Her tactile sense is high, as is her sense of smell. (she rubs and smells a blanket every night to go to sleep)

She is a wonder of sparkling blue eyes and pink clothes. She is my little love.

Happy Birthday, baby.

These two make me smile.

This is pretty much how we spend our time together…

Laughing & enjoying each other… being creative… sharing…talking lots.

I miss them already.

I love these girls.

Thursday

I’ve been here four days and I’m already dealing with crazy issues. Oh – and today I signed the first termination of my employment here. Four days. I said to the Controller as he told me about some problem or issue, “Ya’ll <yes, I said ya’ll> didn’t tell me about this stuff when I interviewed for the job.” He said, “Did you ever hear the story about how the devil made Hell look on Recruiting Day?” Funny guy.

I finally left the warm comfy hotel for a visit to Marti’s house. It’s funny… I left my office & walked to my room for the first time in DAYLIGHT. Each time I’ve been to my room it’s been dark outside. Okay. Maybe that’s not funny… more like sad. Anyway… I got really detailed directions to Marti’s house & headed out. It took me about an hour… and I only had to call Marti once. (she called me the other time)

We had dinner & watched Lost and Grey’s Anatomy. We were supposed to watch Survivor (season premier) but for some reason *cough* it didn’t tape.

Do we still call it ‘tape’ when it’s really not ‘taping’ – do people call it DVR’ing? I’ve heard Tivo’ing… but isn’t that a brand name and not actually what you’re doing?

I digress.

It was nice spending time with Marti and her family, but it made me miss my kids even more.

Now it’s midnight & I’m back at the hotel safe and sound. (drove with the dome light on so I could read the directions on how to get back to the hotel) I’m in my office waiting for my phone to ring. My Mom is having surgery to repair the clots that are blocking blood flow to her legs. If they can’t fix it, they’re talking about amputating her legs from the knees down.

This is why the doctor previously told us that the cancer is the least of her problems right now. Her circulation is the major issue. Right now I’m waiting to hear that she’s in recovery because the surgery itself is going to be tough on her… due to her clotting, her heart, her low blood pressure, and the infection that is in the wound from her surgery last March that won’t heal.

I know… way to bring a party down, Jen. But – this is my journal… & I feel like if I didn’t mention it I truly wouldn’t be sharing the complete picture of my life right now.  And being so far away while this is happening really sucks.

My sister just called to let me know that my Mom is in recovery. She’ll stay there until tomorrow. She said that her left leg is pink & looks like it’s getting blood flow. Her right leg is pink to her heel – but the top of the foot still doesn’t look good. The doctor said that the next 12 – 24 hours are critical. (that sounds like a line out of every medical TV drama I’ve ever watched… and we all know how much TV I watch, so that’s a lot)

I guess I can go to bed now & try to sleep.