Today & Tomorrow

Today… I showered. That was probably my biggest accomplishment of the day. (being off of work is grrrreat!)

I also got the boy’s hair cut. Short. Poor kid- he was born with the most beautiful thick auburn hair… and curly too. Ringlets. I loved them. As a toddler, we’d let his hair grow out long’ish. It annoyed the heck out of Marti’s husband. He threatened to take clippers to it many times. People would mistake him for a girl. That’s when we decided to cut it. I think I cried that day.

Anyway… the other day I found little curls in the garbage can. The boy had decided to take matters into his own hands. Luckily, he didn’t do any noticeable damage. (I guess that’s the good thing about having thick curly hair) The girl has straight light brown hair. How did that happen?

I also did a scrapbook page - a quick one. I swear, you put a challengein front of me and I can’t stay away…especially if it’s a prize I realllly want. In this case it was some Purple Onion Designs stamps. They have freakin’ fantastic stuff. They’re also a very generous company… so if you’re in the market for some stamps, I would recommend you spend your money there.

That was today.

Tomorrow I’m meeting my sister Jamie for lunch. Then we’re going to head over to the hospital to spend time with Mom. Apparently, they redid all her tests today… biopsies, MRI, etc. for their own evaluation. Let’s see how this goes. I don’t have any hope that the prognosis will be different <— trying to be realistic, but maybe they’ll be more on top of things. ((My fingers are crossed.))

I guess I should also start packing… or at least think about packing for Atlanta. I leave in five days. (eeek)

Better than buying a new pair of jeans?

Here are all the things that are better than shopping for a new pair of jeans:

• a root canal  
• bamboo shoots under the fingernails
• pulling out all the hair from my head… one strand at a time
• beating myself over the head with a hammer
• dangling upside down over a lake full of hungry alligators with a rope that’s about to break
• walking over hot coals
• watching Barney on a continuous loop
• waxing
• jumping out of an airplane
• my college biology class where all the teacher did was read from the book
• sleeping on a bed of nails
• getting poked in the eye by a wand of cheap mascara
• cardio-strength class

The only thing worse than shopping for a new pair of jeans?

Shopping for a bathing suit. <<shiver>>

I scrapped. And it felt good.

Nothing motivates me like a little competition. CHA in Spirit Day over at 2peas was exactly what I needed to clear off my scrap desk (well… move the pile over there) and get some scrapping done.

I did FOUR pages this weekend. Okay – 3 1/2. One of them I did a while ago but hated it – so I redid it. But…I’m still counting it as four.

I plan on scrapping more tomorrow… or maybe Tuesday… might even scrap on Thursday… why? Because I have the ENTIRE WEEK OFF!

My other plans for this week:

• surprise the kids at school for lunch
• spend time with my Mom
• scrap
• make a list of what I’m bringing to Atlanta
• pick up the rest of my office stuff from hotel
• pack my stuff for Atlanta (clothes and scrap stuff)
• get the tires on my car checked (this is really just a reminder for my husband)
• give my kids LOTS of hugs and kisses

I saw my Mom today and told her about Atlanta. She took it really well – much better than I expected. Then again, she isn’t really herself lately. She’s on so much medication and is just not feeling well… you can see it in her eyes… her hands shake from the medication.. she’s drowsy… she’s in pain.. who knows how she’s really feeling about me moving. You know?

She’s being moved to a new hospital. This one is farther north, in Gainesville, and closer to my sister (the nurse). I am VERY happy about this. We’ve been trying to persuade my Dad to move her or at least get a second opinion. It took someone not related to us to suggest it and for him to do it… but at least it’s getting done. My sister and I are not thrilled with the particular care she’s received and plan on filing a complaint. It’s very sad that my sister has to point out problems to nurses who don’t seem to have a sense of urgency about them.

We’re hoping that happens tomorrow.

So. That’s my week. Happy Sunday to you!

Atlanta Bound.

It’s official. I’m moving to Atlanta. I accepted the offer last night. My first day at the new hotel is Monday February 5th. Yikes – that’s in NINE days! I have this week off and plan on relaxing, spending time with my Mom, and getting things organized. (and telling my Mom about it too… wish me luck with that)

The rest of the family will stay down here for another month (with alternating trips planned) while I look for a place to live. I’ll be staying in the hotel for about a month.

I truly believe this is a good mood for us… personally and professionally.

Now we just have to make it happen.

What a Difference…

… a day can make.

I talked to my committee (close friends & co-workers) and came up with a strategy. I called and made a counter-offer.

I’m not good at these kinds of games. Oh – I’ll kick your ass in a game of Pounce. (well, maybe if Marti isn’t playing) I’d rather not play corporate ego-greed-strategic kind of games.

It’s like buying a car. I hate that. Same kind of thing to me… having the sales person go back so they can “ask their manager”. Like this job offer thing… you have to be prepared and satisfied with WALKING AWAY. No regrets.

I wasn’t prepared to do that last night. I felt powerless. Stuck.

This morning I got a dose of confidence and some amazing advice from my committee.

I did it. I said my case – kept it short and to the point. Most important of all… I didn’t CRY. (and that, my friends, is quite an accomplishment for me these days) I explained my thought process behind my counter-offer which included my company experience and my knowledge of policies, procedures and benefits that no outside candidate would possess. For that, I think I am worth the additional amount.

I haven’t heard back yet & I’m okay with that. Because I’m prepared to walk away. I have options.

Yep. Options. The power shifted.

Then this afternoon a whole sky of options opened in front of me… and that was completely unexpected. A phone call out of the blue from a former boss looking for a “strong HR Director.“

And he called me. I don’t know if I was the first or the nineteenth person on his list of “strong HRD” contacts… but I don’t care. He called me and he gave me an option. That option coupled with the task force opportunity and the job market here in Orlando made me realize that I didn’t have to settle or be too (terribly) scared.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m still worried. Concerned. It’s okay. If I didn’t feel those things I’d make sure the doctor lowered my dosage. Ha! You’re supposed to feel something, right?

Am I making sense? ‘Cause lately I’ve had trouble putting my thoughts into words… without lots of blubbering.

Oh – Chriselda? You are so right on about Grey’s Anatomy. I really need to stay away from that show right now. Yeesh. Thank goodness I didn’t have to talk to any potential future bosses while watching that show. I could not hold it together.

Today, The Girl Who Needs to Update her Blog  suggested I go the Michael Jackson route and wear a glove on my left hand due to my manic nail-biting phase. She’s always looking out for me and I will definitely consider this very smart fashion advice.

So maybe this feeling of okay’ness will last a little while. (please, please… just a little bit) I have some time off coming to me next week and would love some peace. Just a little bit of peace.

Tell my brain to shut-up!

My brain is keeping me awake.

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of sleep. I guess that’s the good thing about being so depressed.

Tonight? Not so much. My mind is racing with questions and options and possibilities and stress…

I got the job offer.

It’s less money than I think it should be.

Friday is my last day at work. If I don’t take the job I can either be unemployed (not an option) or travel for a temporary period of time until I find something else here in town.

Do I move my family to a different state, be farther away from my ailing Mom, and go through all that aggravation for no increase in pay?

Am I being ridiculous? It’s a job, after all. Am I just a greedy bitch?

But – it’s more responsibility – twice as many employees – twice the annual budget… more work.

We all think we’re worth more than we get paid, right? But when are you being true to yourself and when are you just being greedy? When do you suck it up because you can’t be unemployed – you have a family to take care of – and you need a job? Or when do you stand your ground and stick up for what you believe is right?

No… seriously. I’m asking. What should I do? I have no fucking clue. I am no where in the right frame of mind for this.

You know that saying “you’re only given what you can handle” – yeah, I think that’s a crock of shit. Because I swear I’m about to lose my mind. How can I possibly negotiate anything when all I can think about is whether or not my Mom is going to live to see her 57th birthday?

So… it’s 12:37am and I’m online and biting my nails (on my left hand). Sorry Julie. (she realllly hates my nail-biting)

Now it’s 12:41am.

You’ll be pleased to know that I’m up to date on all my celebrity gossip blogs. I even read through about 500 comments on the scrap-gossip blog. I’m pretty much caught up on more than I ever wanted to know about Prima flower contests.

Isn’t that freakin’ fantastic?

$20 Mascara

I don’t usually spend a lot of money on make-up. I’m a drug store kind of gal when it comes to that stuff. Saturday in Atlanta, Marti and I went into Sephora and tried on some of their products.

First I tried on this lip plumping gloss. It seemed okay when it was first applied. About five minutes later I thought my lips were going to burst into flames and run screaming from my face. OMG. I’m not one to argue with the whole ‘pain for beauty’ routine… I wear high heels and will suffer through some control top panty hose with the best of ‘em. But that lip gloss was too much.

(and it cost $36)

At the airport I grabbed a quick bite to eat. Chicken wings. Guess what? Those wings gave my lips the same feeling as that damn lip gloss. Now if I decide I want plump lips I think I’ll go the cheaper ‘wing’ route and enjoy some celery and blue cheese too. (and a couple of beers)

Next Marti and I tried on some lash plumping mascara.

Side note: Why do they make products to plump up facial features? No other beauty products boast their ability to make your thighs plumper… or to give you a more rounded stomach…?? Such a double-standard in body parts.

Anyway… I’ve had my issues with mascara. No matter what kind I use (from the drug store) I wind up with it half-way down my face before lunch. I’m constantly checking my eyes to see if those dark circles have shown up. Most of the time it’s from the mascara… lately, I can’t use the mascara excuse… those dark circles are just *there* – but it’s not like I need anymore help. You know?

So… we tried on the $20 mascara. And guess what? It worked. No smudges… and even with me being teary-eyed throughout the day… traveling on an airplane… none of it made my mascara smudge.

I think I may splurge a bit and buy myself some of that $20 mascara. Hey Marti… do you happen to remember the brand name? ‘Cause I can’t.

In other news:

• Marti knitted me an awesome scarf. I think I’ll be able to wear it tomorrow. It’s supposed to be down in the 50s here & that’s when we break out the winter wear. I can’t wait.
• I will be working at my hotel until Friday. Three more days. It’s surreal. I packed up most of my stuff today and lots of office files too. More of that will be going on until we send it all out on Friday.
• No news on the Atlanta job. Apparently there are discussions taking place between my current boss, the corporate office and my (fingers crossed) future boss. My current boss isn’t letting on. Hmmpf.
• Mom had a good day yesterday. I think having all three of her daughters around her helped her a lot. She’s got about five more treatments of radiation and then they’ll check the tumor. The prognosis hasn’t changed and she doesn’t know about it yet. We’re all trying to be as positive as possible around her right now.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. It’s not an easy time for me right now, but I’m trying not to hang over the edge too much. I feel everyone’s support and love and it definitely helps me get through each day… each moment.

I’m so thankful for my friends…for you.

No words

I just got back from Atlanta. I should know on Monday about the job. If it works out, I’ll be there in two weeks to start work. Friday is my last day at my hotel here in Orlando… and I’ll have a week off in between.

And my Mom. Things are not good. The doctor is talking about the ‘end’ – and it’s much too soon. Months. Not nearly enough time for me. She’s too young. I’m too young. My kids are too young.

She’s much too good for this.

I don’t know what I’ll do & how I can manage without her. I need her too much.

And I can’t stop crying.

Somehow I have to get up in the morning and go to work. At least for five more days. I still have to be a Mom.. a daughter- a sister… still think about moving away…when I can’t even imagine waking up in the morning and dealing with the pain that I’m feeling right now.

And I don’t know what to say. And no one knows what to say to me. And that’s okay because I know it’s not easy to talk about… and when I do talk about it I just end up crying some more… and puffy eyes are not easy to cover up with make-up.

Yesterday & Today

Yesterday was a really hard day. I visited my Mom in the hospital after stopping by their house to see my Dad. I was at the hospital for about three hours & I think I cried for about half that time. Then I got home and cried some more. Once I started I couldn’t stop…for most of the night.

Finally I fell asleep. Then the little girl woke me up at 5am with all congested. I gave her medicine and tried to go back to sleep. She woke me up about 15 minutes later so I could help her blow her nose. After I gave her medicine I was up listening to her cough – over and over again. Then she woke me up again because she wanted to sleep with me. Then the husband woke up. None of us should be up at 6am and yet we were. That just stinks.

Today the kids are off of school and it’s a paid holiday at work. Yayyy!

We’re just hanging out. I keep saying that I want to clean the house. I wonder how many times I can say it to make me actually want to do it?

I’ve also said that I want to get some scrapping done. I don’t feel like doing that either. I pretty much scrapped all the photos that I recently got developed. Maybe I need to get some more done – maybe that will inspire me to scrap them.

So – that’s it for me today. I may be traveling up to Atlanta this week for an interview. I’ll keep you posted.

Inspiration.

Look here. 

Seriously cool.